Honestly, I'd snap with a bout of brutal in your face, back at you condescension.

"Look, I'm an adult, I have a stressful job, my marriage is over. I feel kind of shitty right now and I have to pretend every fucking day like I'm morally infallible. A man wanted to take me on a date. That felt nice. I got dressed up. That felt nice. He liked how I looked. It felt like being a teenager again, going to the show with a cute guy who liked me. I have great tits. He likes my tits. I like that he likes my tits. He grabbed them. That felt nice. I wanted to check the barn for the horse. That felt nice. Sorry I vaped (douchey) terrible theatre manners, (sorry) and I don't feel too badly for getting kicked out because we went to a hotel room and we smashed ass all fucking night. That felt good. I'm a human just like you. Fuck off. Good night. See ya Monday.

I know...I should be in politics.